--- Main part ---
--- Skype chat logs for Galacon charity song collab project ---
--- AFTERMATH ---
--- UPDATE 2015-02-02 ---
--- UPDATE re 2015-02-04 ---
--- UPDATE 2015-02-05 ---
--- UPDATE 2015-02-20 ---
--- UPDATE 2015-03-31 ---
--- UPDATE 2015-11-06 ---
--- Main part ---
On Sunday, August 3rd 2014, Galacon had a charity auction, and one thing that was auctioned was a song collab with The Living Tombstone and ShadyVox.
You can watch the auction, listen to each word that was being said here:
GalaCon 2014 - Charity Auction and Closing Ceremony
To sum up, they offered that they would personally work with the winner closely, to make sure the song is exactly the way they want, and that it could be about anything they wanted. Examples were named, including personal events like weddings and such. They further raised its appeal by claiming that this was a unique opportunity, something they would not do again, or at least not in the forseeable future.
So I won with a bid of 670 EUR and words of appreciation and respect were spoken, and of course this also benefitted the image of Tomb and Shady. Hell, I myself bid in part because I found the idea awesome.
Later I would be reminded again that talk is cheap and that actions speak louder than words.
So then I fulfilled the main part of my side of the commitment by donating the promised 670 EUR to charity right there during the charity event.
We got in touch on Skype, I mentioned that I'd like it to be ballad-ish about parts of my life experience and that it could be quite a bit of text, and they said I should just write it all down and send it to them.
Now, since it involved painful episodes of my life, it wasn't very easily, and I was glad when I had managed to finish writing it down, only days later.
I also provided information on the type of song, average length, sound style, structure, progression, intention behind it etc. I even provided ideas for a possible animated cover picture in case, as Shady considered, JanAnimations might be willing to do it.
There was little additional information regarding the song that I had to add later, not only because it was not requested, but because it was such a good package that Tomb exclaimed it would cover the major part of pre-production. I DID provide some song examples for sound and style later, on my own impulse.
When they got the text, which is something a slow and thorough reader can read in less than 30 minutes, they asked whether I can make it shorter. I properly explained how that would be difficult, not only because of the effort I already put into writing it, but also because I didn't want to take anything out that might be useful for making the lyrics. After all, you need to be familiar with a topic in order to properly make meaningful (i.e. non-generic) lyrics about it. And since Shady had made a very meaningful, emotional song about his past experiences with bullying in school, I didn't see why this should be anything unreasonable.
So I didn't hear any objections after that. The whole theme of the communication that followed was pretty much zero energy coming from them, tumbleweed. Always me quasi-reviving the dialogue with encouragement, inquiries, ideas, support, optimism, enthusiasm. This extreme disparity of commitment built up over time. Yet, since the success of the project was very important to me, I didn't want to rush/push an artistic process. I allowed them the personal responsibility to allocate the time for working on the project. In retrospect, just another leniency from me that wasn't appreciated at all. The whole thing reeks of utter disregard for me, my contribution and the project. Apparently my kindness was mistaken for an invitation to exploit it for their own convenience.
Just how much disrespect and total lack of any empathy or caring for others there is is shown by the fact that virtually the very first paragraph of my text for the lyrics included mention that I myself had been bullied in school. This is either borderline sociopathic or they didn't even bother reading the first paragraph. Or maybe they did read it and the text made them gain an uncomfortable level of self-awareness. Whatever it is, it's fucked up.
Talking about milestone events in project communication, if you can even call them that:
Three months after the start of the project I asked Tomb about the progress and he just promised me it would be done and that he just needs a bit more time. So... again no objections to any details of the project so far. And since I believed just that, I was, again, lenient. I assumed it was not finished, not that it wouldn't even have been started.
Then, two additional months later, recently, I was beginning to recognize this as something I have encountered before. Something that is either amazing tragic irony or something that is a factor in all this, in case they actually did read the text and are pretending to not have. Because parts of the experiences I describe in that text are pretty much the same crap that they are now doing. Refusing to take personal responsibility for their freely made commitments, and - more generally - themes of immaturity.
You might also know that on Saturday 23rd of August 2014, at BUCK in Manchester, Tombstone offered yet another song collab (with Glaze/Wooden Toaster) at the charity auction there. The auction event went much more speedy in general, so they also kept their offer very simple (basically: You can name the topic of the next song we're making), thus it didn't yield as much donation either AFAIR. That would maybe have been a little more ambiguous compared to what they offered at Galacon.
The official video footage for that charity event doesn't seem to be out yet. But apparently that collab song isn't out yet either.
But this is one more contributing factor that shows how they have no problem to outright lie/bullshit, to not consider their word to be of any binding relevance. When I witnessed them doing that, it of course made my brows furl quite a bit, but being a good sport (or maybe just too forgiving as the facts of the situation now show), because I still considered it a great idea, I let that slip and didn't even poke their nose onto it, because I wanted to keep the good spirit up.
Another thing that adds to the list of clues is that I met Tombstone at BUCK, one month after the charity collab. I bumped a balloon on his head, smiled and said Hi. He punched my ballon away, a face like stone, didn't say a word and left for the restrooms. Minutes later he came out and on him passing me swiftly I had to approach him again to ask whether he had even recognized me. He claimed yes and told me I shouldn't worry, they'd be doing the collab song. And that was our communication at BUCK. Treated like a faceless customer or even a nuisance, absolutely zero emotion.
Also, some time later, in one of Shady's livestreams, where I was in the chat as me, Dowlphin, when he was answering questions, I playfully asked whether he's currently working on any song collab project with someone. And he simply said "No" and that was it, without any indication of knowing what I mean or even knowing me. Like he had totally forgotten there even was such a thing as the charity collab.
For more details, especially towards what I consider the death blow of the project, and so that there is no doubt about the details of it for those who are still in a state of disbelief but want to know the truth, I will show you, with occasional commenting by me, the Skype logs about the project, mostly from the main Skype group we used once the project was 'going'. There's more incredible stuff in there than what I have mentioned so far, and it will give you a very good idea of how exactly the project went, because the Skype chat is all the communication that happened in it.
Communicating what has happened here is the only way I can still make some sense of it. As you can learn from the logs (and you should really take the time to read them, especially towards the end, if you want to have an educated opinion on this), I was driven to this course of action because all my hope for this project to finish in a decent manner were destroyed. You cannot make a sincere and meaningful collab project with people who are so full of shit. I wouldn't even allow them to continue working on it, because it would be a huge disgrace, especially considering how I entrusted them with telling a personal story about my life, and considering that all this is supposed to be in the context of charity for a humanistic cause.
It's not like you can just deny what has happend and mend this. Like "Oh sorry, we accidentally didn't give a shit. Now if you could just finally accept our bullshit so that we can continue the same way as we have."
I had to make a choice between several ugly alternatives, and I decided to choose the one where I didn't have to sacrifice my self-esteem in order to pamper some jerks' arrogant egotism.
And I hate it that my sense of generosity and trust took a massive hit by association with this very painful experience.
--- Skype chat logs for Galacon charity song collab project ---
Some project-irrelevant parts (mostly giving general music feedback or other inspirational thought) omitted for your reading convenience.
Some parts ((REMOVED)) in order to protect ideas or unrelated people.
Personal and group chat merged in chronological order, with a (Y) indicating personal chat with Tombstone and (B) with Shady.
Comments are marked with (!)(!).
(B)[2014-08-07 15:09:34] Dowlphin: Hi Blake, I'd like to add you as a contact.
(B)[2014-08-07 19:10:44] Blake: Yoooo.
(B)[2014-08-07 19:11:09] Dowlphin: Hay! ... I again made the mistake and trust that software works. ^^
(Y)[2014-08-07 15:16:21] Dowlphin: Hi Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone), I'd like to add you as a contact.
(Y)[2014-08-07 19:21:32] *** Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone) has shared contact details with Dowlphin. ***
(B)[2014-08-08 12:02:12] *** Dowlphin created a group conversation with Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone).
Show group conversation ***
[2014-08-08 12:02:12] *** Dowlphin added Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone), Blake ***
[2014-08-08 12:02:52] Dowlphin: I surprised myself again. ...
I'm gonna attend BUCK. :D
[2014-08-08 12:04:39] Dowlphin: Was lying in bed, thinking, and realized it. Couldn't sleep due to my coughing and that might have helped getting one of the few remaining quick flights.
I guess you are intending the deadline for the song being "before BUCK"? :)
[2014-08-08 12:08:40] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): no no, lol, no need to rush the song
[2014-08-08 12:13:16] Dowlphin: Would be cool though. ^^ In any case, I'll try to get my story completed today.
[2014-08-08 13:39:18] Dowlphin: ~75% done
[2014-08-08 13:41:07] Dowlphin: You will know me so well after you've read that. ^^ But I don't feel like holding anything back. Especially not among awesome bronies. Sharing our stories can help others.
[2014-08-08 17:21:55] Dowlphin: 100% completed - PHEW! ... I will not go over it and check whether I can improve things, haha, I already started doing that and I gotta stop. I can always answer questions later, but this is definitely plenty of material. I'm sending the mail now. :)
[2014-08-08 19:08:51] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): that's a HUGE paragraph dude!
[2014-08-08 19:08:58] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): will take time to digest through it lol
[2014-08-08 19:11:04] Dowlphin: Yeah, just let it sink in gradually. Np.
[2014-08-08 19:12:06] Dowlphin: I'd assume that's definitely the greatest challenge. To make lyrics out of that that sound good and at the same time aren't too abstract to become generic.
[2014-08-09 17:27:22 | Edited 17:28:35] Dowlphin: I was nuts when I even imagined the possibility of the song being finished in two weeks. It's supposed to be a fun collab with a special outcome after all. I momentarily forgot that I'm at least as excited about the process as about the result. ^^
BUT these things still have their purpose. It helped me make the decision to attend BUCK. Fooling myself sometimes is the only means I have for making a good decision, haha.
[2014-08-10 13:09:28] Dowlphin: Blake?
The written stuff so far might provide not as much for the later phases of the song as for the first one, but it's easier for me to add that to an existing rough lyrics construct, or by answering questions if you need more or other material at some points. That's when I'm at my best.
[2014-08-10 23:31:21] Dowlphin: Maybe I can contribute certain own vocal snippets to the project later. Right now I'm still battling with the remains of a cold, so I'm a little horse. ... Hah! :D
(Y)[2014-08-11 20:07:57] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): in regards to the collab between you and Shady, is it possible that you can give a much more summerized version of your post? that way Shady can write lyrics more easily
(Y)[2014-08-11 20:08:15] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): and post it in either the skype chat or email us
(Y)[2014-08-11 20:20:25] Dowlphin: Phew. Since I don't usually write lyrics from scratch, it's difficult for me to know which elements are useful and which are not. (The essence, the story milestones)
I guess it was more meant as a kind of inspiration-giver, not necessarily like a pure analytical process. It might make more sense if Blake just did a kind of brainstorming based on it, or maybe write his own view. Should it be very abstract, that might not generally be bad, because it can become poetic. If I have something to work with, I can easily direct things in this-or-that direction and come up with more ideas to enrich it. The more drafts and random ideas and snippets and all that stuff you give me, the better. Same for the musical part. Feel free to send me various stuff and I tell you what I think.Without knowing a thing about what you have come up with so far, I cannot sync up to it.
Not sure how much that deviates from your usual workflow, but as a kind of right-brain-hemi artistic process it can be like a lump of clay that is then shaped continuously. More like discovering how it flows instead of trying to force it into a rigid mold.
Is that helpful? :-/
(Y)[2014-08-11 20:24:47] Dowlphin: In case you're still figuring out the musical style or such, I plan to go through all the videos on your channel, so I could write down notes about them and maybe help you with the direction I have in mind. ( Not that I have a concrete idea at this point, but when I hear it, I will know it. ;) )
(Y)[2014-08-11 20:29:05] Dowlphin: You've heard of how the more neurons in the brain are connected to each other and the more they exchange information, the bigger the tasks the brain can accomplish? ... It works on a bigger scale, too. :)
[2014-08-11 20:31:05] Dowlphin: Blake?
[2014-08-11 20:32:21] Dowlphin: Imagine you've read a book and made lyrics about that book's story. It works, right? Despite that book being a HUGE story.
[2014-08-11 20:34:34] Dowlphin: (Did Tomb forward you the Skype convo?)
[2014-08-11 20:50:29] Dowlphin: And of course you can always ask me questions if you're unsure about something. When I'm online, I'm available most of the time.
(Y)[2014-08-11 20:51:38] Dowlphin: (Wondering whether Blake receives the messages from the group chat. Considering Skype made trouble with the add requests, I better ask to make sure.)
(Y)[2014-08-12 14:39:49 | Edited 14:51:50] Dowlphin: Funny timing. Glaze's Energy Sway contains various style elements that I imagined for the charity collab song. The beat is great and fun, the tune has a good amount of flow, tempo is nice etc.
(Y)[2014-08-12 15:11:11] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): I might just take elements, but I find the song very lacking though
(Y)[2014-08-12 15:14:27] Dowlphin: High standards. I like it. :) Personally, it gave me ideas for slight melody improvements at one point.
[2014-08-12 15:38:20] Dowlphin: Tomd, did you ever experiment with chiptunes? ... I had this idea that, if it fits in, there could be subtle chiptuney sounds somewhere in the segment where it reflects my gaming passion.
(Might be easier to figure that out at a later point. Just wanted to throw the idea into the bowl.)
[2014-08-13 21:07:06] Dowlphin: This collab's been very quiet lately. I'd like to contribute more, but I hardly know what's happening. Risking to appear pushy, I better keep asking, because this might be something I've seen before, and if so, it needs an organisational and communications expert. Which I kinda am. ... I didn't tell you everything, you know. ;-D
[2014-08-13 21:07:59 | Edited 21:10:02] Dowlphin: Blake, bloke, gimme a beep. I'll crack a joke and it'll be deep.
[2014-08-14 11:02:19] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): okay, I'll soon start working on the instrumental for the song
[2014-08-14 11:02:29] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): I'll base it on what you Dowlphin gave me as a reference point
[2014-08-14 14:54:58] Dowlphin: What musical styles do you plan to use? Lots of synth I hope. :)
[2014-08-14 16:26:21] Dowlphin: I finished my basic concept for a cover picture and wrote down some notes about it. (This idea, too, might evolve along the development of the song. Feel free to tell me your ideas and other input about it.) I'll mail it to you.
[2014-08-14 16:26:36] Dowlphin: PSD format alright?
[2014-08-14 16:42:22] Dowlphin: (sent)
(Y)[2014-08-14 23:00:30] Dowlphin: I've watched a couple of your older vlog-like videos now. You mentioned several times how all kinds of input from people gives you the motivation to make more stuff. ... So you know the feeling I have pretty much all the time.
[2014-08-15 00:43:28] Dowlphin: I got so many brief ideas for the lyrics. I guess once I see a first draft, I will know how well I can fit them into it. I think the lyrics will really benefit greatly from some creative ping-pong.
[2014-08-15 14:16:53 | Edited 14:18:07] Dowlphin: Two more thoughts I had regarding the lyrics.
1) Blake, maybe this helps with the creative process: If you had made experiences in your life like I wrote of, how would you sing about it? How would you feel?
2) I am thinking a lot about whether 1st person or 3rd person would sound better, and had the idea that maybe it could alternate, following changes in the music. Like: First experience in 3rd person, then reaction in 1st person, repeating several times, culminating in a kind of progression.
[2014-08-16 11:58:00] Dowlphin: Got a quiet house for a few hours. Wanted to record some special voice samples. ... Darn, my voice worked so much better during Galacon.
[2014-08-16 11:59:40] Dowlphin: Got something that might sound alright when embedded in music though, but will have to see at a later point whether it fits somewhere.
[2014-08-16 12:04:08] Dowlphin: I guess we COULD use pony samples for this song, but once you start, it's difficult to stop, haha. .. Hm, maybe that's not really a problem. ^^ Some ((RREMOVED)) at the 2nd and 3rd segment might fit quite well. I'll experiment with that when the time comes.
[2014-08-16 13:49:47 | Edited 13:49:55] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): lol, don't get overworked, I need to make the instrumental first, so wait on that
[2014-08-16 13:49:51] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): I gotta finish some stuff first
[2014-08-16 13:54:02] Dowlphin: Np, I'm just bubbling with ideas and enthusiasm. No risk of overworking when this stuff fills me with life.
[2014-08-16 22:39:19] Dowlphin: May I call you Yay and Silent Bloke? :D
(B)[2014-08-18 19:49:30] Dowlphin: Blake, could you please tell me whether you are so silent collab-wise because you're just very busy or whether something is bothering you? As you might have realized from my life story, it kinda makes me feel uneasy when people don't communicate, and then I have sleepless nights wondering what's up. So instead of acting based on any assumptions, all I really can do is ask directly.
(B)[2014-08-18 19:51:19] Blake: Hey dude. Yeah, I'm pretty quiet when it comes to workload. I've read everything you've written though, don't worry.
(B)[2014-08-18 19:53:07] Dowlphin: Thank you. :) Looking forward to building those lyrics bit by bit until they're fun and awesome. :)
[2014-08-26 16:56:17] Dowlphin: Would you guys be so kind and help me spread the message?
[2014-08-27 19:31:33] Dowlphin: If you have hesitations regarding a retweet or such, please tell me. It is so very important to me, and I can't explain it in a few words.
[2014-08-27 19:33:37] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): I'll retweet, sorry, it's just that I am very busy and I am also working to get this collab down
[2014-08-27 19:35:15] Dowlphin: Yay! :) I understand. Don't pressure yourself too much. There's no deadline for this project.
But a click a day on that vote button would mean a lot. I already exhausted all my means and sources, and seeing as currently there is only one person who is voting for my art is kinda hard to bear. :-/
[2014-09-10 11:21:48] Dowlphin: Tomb, remember when I linked you that ((REMOVED)) as inspiration for the mood of the later parts of the collab song?
I'll simply link this and let you absorb it. That tune totally makes me come alive. ^^
[2014-09-10 11:22:45] Dowlphin: Dunno, maybe there's something in it that vibes with you, that you'd like to integrate or build on.
[2014-09-10 11:24:27 | Edited 11:24:56] Dowlphin: I guess mood-wise that would be my idea for the third segment, ((REMOVED))
(B)[2014-10-04 01:59:27 | Edited 02:12:32] Dowlphin: LOL, man, you gave me another fun idea for the collab song. We need to incorporate ((REMOVED))
[2014-10-09 02:55:28] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): bbbbbump
[2014-10-09 02:55:36] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): will start producing the instrumental soon
[2014-10-09 03:45:52] Dowlphin: Grrrrrreat!
[2014-11-07 02:11:49] Dowlphin: How's the collab song coming along? Do you feel like any input/inspiration would help? Or would you like to share some thoughts about it? Tomb, would you prefer more pressure? ^^
[2014-11-07 02:26:59] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): it'll happennnnn
[2014-11-07 02:27:18] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): just give me a bit more time
[2014-11-07 02:27:32] Dowlphin: You know you have it. :)
[2014-11-07 02:30:13] Dowlphin: Send me some snippets for listening when it's coherent. Maybe I can give more input/inspiration/critique.
Not sure how your brain works, but for me, it's always more motivating when there are other people caring and sending energy into a project.
[2014-11-07 02:30:46] Dowlphin: Feels more alive, you know.
[2014-11-07 02:35:43] Dowlphin: Gonna need some flammable lyrics to ignite the spark for the phase 3 part. ^^ Kind of in a 'Nightmare Mood' lately.
[2014-11-07 02:38:33] Dowlphin: BTW it's totally obvious that you're a Rarity, haha.
(Y)[2014-11-07 03:11:11] Dowlphin: I read your tweets. ... When you say pushing yourself, do you just mean against the inner slacker? I'm hesistant to put you under any pressure, because I guess I'm judging from myself (which is probably a mistake) - when I push myself hard, I lose the passion, the magic that makes things awesome. But you are not a Pinkie Pie, you are a Rarity. I guess it works differently for you.
(B)[2014-12-12 22:24:40] Dowlphin: Happy Birthday, Blake!
Are you gonna do a celebratory livestream then? :)
(B)[2014-12-12 22:27:47] Blake: I'm streaming in 2 and a half hours!
(B)[2014-12-12 22:29:27] Dowlphin: I saw. Highlight of my day. (So much stuff to deal with lately.) Will be there.
(Y)[2015-01-20 16:25:41] Dowlphin: Status of the collab song?
(Y)[2015-01-20 16:26:48] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): really slow, we should bump the group chat
[2015-01-20 16:27:00] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): bump
(Y)[2015-01-20 16:27:18] Dowlphin: Is the pro crastinating? ^^
[2015-01-20 16:28:19] Dowlphin: You know, if you need some 'energy input', I'm your man. When there's something to listen to, I might have ideas.
[2015-01-20 16:30:02] Dowlphin: Blake could even give me a piece of crap of a lyrics draft and I can do much more with that than with nothing. Building lyrics from scratch about a theme that caused me pain is not something I can do. So we'll have to build them from sratch 21. ^^
(!)(!) So amazingly lenient to the point of exaggerating for the sake of the project have I been that I said stuff like that. In reality, after so much time passed I'd have expected better than a piece of crap lyrics.
[2015-01-20 16:31:12] Dowlphin: Hey, wouldn't that be a good song title for you, Blake? "Building from Scratch 21".
[2015-01-20 16:35:59] Dowlphin: Yoav, you still have the songs I mentioned in mind? If you're out of ideas, just take ((REMOVED), kinda throw their style together and add your own. Experiment. You're good with remixing, so if you start with a mix of those three components and then just evolve from there, it might help. (The result would probably be most like the third phase of the song, ((REMOVED)), but it should be possible to morph it backwards ((REMOVED))
[2015-01-20 16:37:51] Dowlphin: Building the core spirit first, so to speak. I remember, at BUCK 2013 you gave me the advice to decide what's at the core, the most important thing, and then build the rest around it.
(Y)[2015-01-20 16:43:24] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): just really busy
(!)(!) And here it comes...
[2015-01-20 17:03:45] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): Alright, how about we'll simplify things
[2015-01-20 17:04:05 | Edited 17:04:12] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): give me, in a short summery, what you want the song to be about, and how you want it to sound
[2015-01-20 17:04:30] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): be specific
[2015-01-20 17:04:38] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): otherwise this project won't go anywhere
[2015-01-20 17:06:15 | Edited 17:06:27] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): both me and Shady won't have time to make your song if you can't specify what you want
(!)(!) Like I didn't specify the hell out of it. Did he wipe his ass with the project notes?
[2015-01-20 17:07:17] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): so from now on, if you talk to any of us, even on twitter, then it has to be on the song
(!)(!) Suddenly this blame tone, like I'm being unreasonable.
[2015-01-20 17:08:01] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): otherwise, even thanks to your generous donation, we'll have to shut the project down, you understand?
[2015-01-20 17:08:28] Dowlphin: Uh, I did specify quite a lot of things. What's missing? What's not the way you need it?
[2015-01-20 17:09:01] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): You sent an entire email describing your life time of experiences, we need a short summary, it's not that hard
(!)(!) Yeah, because a "short summary" (that's totally ridiculous for the source material) enables them to continue not caring and just making some generic lyrics to their lazy liking.
[2015-01-20 17:09:40] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): Sorry that I am like this now, I am getting increasingly busy over time, even more than after Galaacon
[2015-01-20 17:09:46] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): every second counts here
(!)(!) Did he just say that?!
[2015-01-20 17:12:32] Dowlphin: Yeah, but do you acknowledge that that's not my fault? Things take time, and commitments need to be fulfilled. I accepted that you have stuff to do, that's why I didn't push and allowed you to find the time that suits you personally. But a lot of time has passed now. You have to honor my side of the commitment. That's only fair.
[2015-01-20 17:13:21] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): okay fine, but let's start over, give me a short summary
[2015-01-20 17:13:36] Dowlphin: As for the lyrics, that's mostly Blake's part, and since he did write lyrics about his own painful life experiences, it should be possible to extract the core for the lyrics. His story is complex, too, yet the song conveys an essence.
[2015-01-20 17:13:54] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): No no no, give me a short summary
[2015-01-20 17:15:00] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): It's true that Blake writes the lyrics, but even I read the email and I had a hard time to follow what was written
(!)(!) Yeah, because you couldn't be arsed to care enough to make an effort. In the following I was again doing my best to try and ignore the arrogant tone and be constructive.
[2015-01-20 17:15:10] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): we're making a song here, not a novel
[2015-01-20 17:41:26 | Edited 17:46:35] Dowlphin: You can write a song about a novel. (Not implying that my notes are. They are more like essay-length.) You don't have to remember every word for that. You want to write lyrics about a poem?
I mean, I could write it shorter, but then there'd probably be much more adjustment needed, about the core of it, since you'd actually have to add stuff instead of just discarding the irrelevant. (?)
Maybe I'm looking at this way more like an artist than a craftsman.
Fact is that it took you a long time to actually talk about the real issues, that I was inquiring about all the time. You didn't want to open up. I get that a lot. And that could also be why it's so difficult for you in its current form. Please do some reflecting about your inner resistance out of frustration over being busy and such. Also about what busies you and how much work you put in your songs, the whole process from idea to finish. And share if possible. Those things are the root cause for so much friction. I've got lots of expertise in that area, so please just trust me when I say: Investing some more time at the start saves lots of time later. I do notice what's going on and keep making efforts for others.
So, about my side: In theory I could try to rewrite the stuff I wrote down, which would be double effort AND with lots of time of not much happening in-between, and could try if it's unavoidable, but I myself have stuff requiring that energy, too. Lately I'm working on making things (including this) easier, visiting doctors, therapists and all, changing my approach (again), so that's where my focus is and that's why I even had the energy to revive the dialogue here. I've put tons of effort into things others wanted easy, so that's why I am struggling.
Please speak from your heart. We can do this.
And while I realize this is not a regular commission, but an agreement of several parties to make a charity contribution of some kind... again ... please honor the commitment I have made.
It is quite alright that this is, as you said, unique, special, something you won't be doing again, (probbably because you had an idea of what it entails) but that should make it easier to accomplish, not harder. Personal responsibility is the theme.
I'm always doing what I can, and try to become able to do more.
Tell me your thoughts after this and maybe then we can all go the extra mile.
[2015-01-20 17:53:42] Dowlphin: "every second counts" is actually the problem here, and I can even help people solve such problems, but the dilemma is that that takes quite a lot of seconds.
[2015-01-20 18:00:50 | Edited 18:01:26] Dowlphin: BTW I don't want to badmouth anyone, just mentioning this here (never before) because it might help put things into perspective: ((REMOVED)) So please don't think you got some hardship that you don't deserve. It's all relative. But the art is to grow with the challenge.
Or maybe you would have preferred that I had ((REMOVED))?
[2015-01-20 18:09:09] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): Dude, just write, simply, what do you want the song to be about, no need to write a lot
[2015-01-20 18:46:52] Dowlphin: But that's generic. Not like '...Your wedding... etc.'. I just go by what was said at the auction. Did you ever review the video of it just to make sure you know how you presented your contribution?
Your collab offer at BUCK 2014 with Glaze was different, I noticed that, and thus, it also didn't go as high in bids. Equivalency.
Maybe you got carried away without noticing it? But that's how it went.
Even if I hadn't bid at Galacon, I wouldn't have bid for the Glaze collab. Because it was significantly different. That's probably how you want it to be done, but when you realize the two are not the same type of offer, you might understand my position.
Take this analogy: You made the FNAF title song. Did you actually play the game? Of course, right? How much time did you dedicate to that in order to be able to write a song worthy of it? You need to have an understanding of what it is you're working with, right?
I'm getting so much a TL;DR vibe here. Like "Meh, this isn't what I like to do. This should just be a random project on the side, this is not about me." Where is the heart? The empathy? Where is the meaning in all this?
This is probably one of the things that pains me so. I keep facing hardships because it's the right thing to do, bettering myself, and seeing all around me people just 'doing their thing'.
I'm gonna need some time to see what I can do with the text basis, but what you could do on your side is check my writings again, with a different mindset than "I have no time for this". Things can look very different then.
Because what I also encounter a lot is that people say they have no time, but not realizing how much of that is their own choice. It's like when in an MMO someone goes: "You got so much gold, you should share some of it with me, because I got none.", but what they don't say is that they got none because they keep buying fancy stuff for themselves, not considering the austerity the other person has practiced.
I'm gradually trying to change that approach, and the 670 € are part of that move away from austerity. In my youth I was scolded for being an egoist. Then I became the opposite and it only hurt me. ... Fun fact: This is probably all conveyed in the stuff I wrote. It provides context, and my hope is that finally someone else might actually care as much as about their own hardships. Because otherwise I have to stop caring for others, too, and that hurts everybody.
It's rarely me who gives up.
(!)(!) I took half a day to process everything that had happened lately and finally realized what had been going on, with tons of puzzle pieces falling into place. I realized that being nice is not working.
[2015-01-21 10:13:27] Dowlphin: I am not the impulsive type, I tend to think things through thoroughly, and I really see a need to recap the situation in clarity here, and especially you, Yoav, I want to remind that you mentioned on a panel that you at some point realized you had become arrogant due to your success and had to catch yourself. Beware of relapse.
Here is the impertinence you have shown:
I did my part of the commitment, the considerable donation, right there, and provided all the information you could need for lyrics-building within days, in a text that can be read in its full in less than 30 minutes if you're reading it slowly and thoroughly (that's way less than a TV show episode), and after more than five months(!) you don't even have a rough musical part to show? (I didn't push you, Blake, because I know your EP kept you relatively busy in the last months and respected that.) Still, then you say you don't really have the time (for what? making a lyrics outline from that text and some music) and that you will call it off if I don't chew your food for you. You say I should not talk to you, even on Twitter, if it's not project-related (like it's an insult to even pay attention to you, like you now decide how to spend MY time), while I gave you the attention and caring like so many others you claim you are grateful to; I even was there during live streams because you are not irrelevant to me, because I am interested in learning about your hardships and life in general. Something that doesn't seem to be worth anything when coming from someone you still have an open commitment to that you try to find ridiculous excuses for and shoved completely to the side, not worth more than a "it'll happen, just give me a bit more time" two months ago, so that I, again, was the one who had to bring it up, since there's nothing coming from you.
Do you WANT to ruin the good spirit of the project? I'm sure it would seem really convenient to you if you didn't have to deal with it at all. But don't be a fool. That's your subconscious weaker self taking over there. Pretty much the whole time you made me feel as if I was the one ASKING for charity here, not the one you promised to 'personally work with closely, in order to make sure they get exactly the song they want.'
If I gave you a much shortened version of the notes, as I see it, you might be tempted to not honor that either and just approach it like: 'We got lyrics, take them or leave them, we don't have time for more.'
The second-class style in which you've treated this project and the statements you made as clear pointers for the real problem here made me lose all confidence in seeing anything else as end product.
I was being generous for a good cause, and your side of the contribution doesn't seem very dedicated to honor that in the same way. If you haven't realized it yourself yet, but your words "every second counts here" is definitely not a sign of a healthy situation. Do you even listen to yourself when you say stuff like that?
So let me direct your words back at you: Only talk to me again when you have done some introspection about your behavior and see how improper and unfair your treatment of this project was and is. And don't call yourself a professional again unless you can act like one instead of finding excuses and confusing your priorities.
By the way, offering another "unique" collab for charity at BUCK 2014 despite what you said at Galacon (which I accepted because of the good idea and because I am not petty) doesn't help your reasoning of being oh-so busy either. Don't commit to stuff if you're not willing to commit.
I could have had a leadership position in the industry by now if I hadn't continuously made an effort in the interest of others and in turn being let down by them. So let me tell you: Being busy and making an effort can be two very different things. It is always relatively easy to do what you love to do. But the real test of character comes when you are supposed to do what is right; what needs to be done. Then your priorities are put to the test.
This will either make a sharp upturn when you start to take it seriously and as an opportunity to mature-up character-wise, or it will stick with you for a long time. Do you want to keep making an effort or do you want to join the many other musicians who had more success than what is healthy for them?
[15:48:19] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): [10:13] Dowlphin:
<<< Yoav, I want to remind that you mentioned on a panel that you at some point realized you had become arrogant due to your success and had to catch yourself. Beware of relapse....
(!)(!) Why I wonder, of all I wrote, did he quote specifically this piece. Well, maybe as intro to another sample of his arrogance in the form of an idiotic rhetorical question:
[15:48:41] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): Do you want a song to be done, or not?
[15:48:50] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): just a yes or no question
[15:51:29] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): and consider here that Blake is no more busy than I am, and yet I myself am finding the time to read all you write and respond
(!)(!) Wow, how generous of His Lordship. ... Here's a radical idea: How about spending all that time on the project instead? Then you wouldn't have to read all this in the first place!
[15:51:53] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): what you write isn't a waste of time to us, but it is a waste of time for the collab song to be done
(!)(!) That doesn't even make sense ... unless you consider that they had totally made up their mind about the time requirement for the project (spoiler: minimum), because then they'd be like: "This is all coming off of your time", like a frickin school teacher.
(!)(!) And here comes some of his personal phantasy world bullshit. As long as he tells himself this crap, he can refuse to care about the facts.
[15:52:25] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): which is why I am trying to help, since this COULD be an amazing collab song between all 3 of us
[15:52:52] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): So please, one last time, write, a short summary of what you want the song to be about and how it'll sound, EVEN if you wrote it before
(!)(!) How it sounds?! ... I'm pretty convinced now that he DID wipe his ass with the project notes. ... No wait, that would imply that he gave a shit. ... OK, so he just didn't bother to keep them, because whatever, he got important stuff to do.
[15:54:16] Yoav Landau (The Living Tombstone): If you one more time rant about other things other than the collab song here, I'm sorry but I'll quit the collab
(!)(!) What an asshole.
--- AFTERMATH ---
After Horse News published an article about the issue
( Totally insane man who paid over $750 for charity song, expects it to be finished in 5 months )
it went further downhill. Tombstone tweeted:
"@HorseNewsMLP I have so much respect to @Dowlphin to donate to charity and feel bad that we still haven't fully started, hope it'll happen"
So much respect. So much. How much exactly? Apparently zero, judging by his actions and not his words, which are as hollow as the facade of friendliness of a Japanese girl in the service industry. He feels bad. Well, that's a nice corporate bullshit style way to wiggle out of actually admitting any guilt. And then he hopes it'll happen. Like it's totally out of his hands, passive-agressively blaming me for not putting up with their crap anymore.
After that tweet and me blocking them on Skype because I can't stand this borderline-creepy display of falseness anymore, guess what heartfelt and conciliatory thing appeared on the project group chat:
Yoav 2015-01-29 "So, any news about that?"
Yoav 2015-01-31 "Hello?"
It doesn't take a sensitive person to realize that something is stone cold and hopeless here.
--- UPDATE 2015-02-02 ---
After I publicized this detailed account, I got yet another levelup of insulting bullshit, showing the true hopelessness of trying to work with them:
"@Dowlphin @ShadyVox Dude? What the hell man? I'm sorry if I seemed like a bad person, but why didn't you tell me that on Skype? Why here?"
(!)(!)Like I didn't frickin try exactly that to the point of despair! Total reality denial, and insulting as hell. ... The guy isn't even living on this planet anymore.
And he says he's sorry IF he SEEMED LIKE a bad person. That's indicative of his continued limitless egocentricity.
You read between the lines and things become even more apparent.
"@Dowlphin @ShadyVox The reason I acted this way is because the collab was in a complete halt, I was trying to push it forward in a cruel way"
"@Dowlphin @ShadyVox I didn't realize that, I was pissed that you donated so much money and that nothing about the collab was truly happening"
(!)(!)Yeah, and whose fault is that? Naturally not theirs, right? The impudence is mindboggling!
--- UPDATE re 2015-02-04 ---
Tweets from TLT, in the usual arrogance, imply that the decision isn't really mine anymore, plus another added blame onto me as the problem. Nice.
@CrisisSound The one with @WoodenToaster abd Evine from BUCK? that's happening, the one with @ShadyVox and @Dowlphin is happening too
@CrisisSound The GalaCon collab is happening but having issues recently because of @Dowlphin not responding at all on my recent msgs
At pretty much the same time he had tweeted alternatives that were very much not 'happeney'.
There's really zero credibility to anything he says. It can change within moments. Compulsive liar much?
This also sheds some more light on his "it'll happennnnn" to me two months ago. He seems to believe that wishful thinking replaces effort.
--- UPDATE 2015-02-05 ---
I will post an update here because I am not talking directly to people who dis me consistently. Utter disrespect cannot expect to get respect in return.
From both Tomb and Shady it is, as I mentioned before, absurd to scold me for not having discussed this privately via Skype (Shady having said barely anything in the project), since I have tried just that. Damn, why do I have to repeat myself? (Because I'm dealing with fucked up people who are stuck in an egoistical mindset.) Calling ME selfish/childish then is just more of the same arrogance I've received the whole time.
Shady's explanation of acoustics first, vocals then is the only bit of somewhat reasonable information, but there's still that arrogant standpoint of ignoring that this could have been communicated within the project, among so many other things. Since Shady was so silent the whole time, I assumed he'd assigned TLT as speaker for him and communicated with him directly ... which would kinda be 'behind my back', hah, to use the same shitty reasoning that they use when blaming me for making it public and refusing to put up with their bullshit.
I, as my article shows, was also never told anything about this or about Shady's attitude towards the lyrics. It's not like I didn't do my best to communicate from my side and try to figure out what's going on.
So now that (at least based on Shady's claims) the lyrics base text isn't the problem (although there are conflicting messages), it would indeed be TLT's attitude, but Shady decides to side with that (and quiety always has), so I cannot exclude him from this critique.
Now let's get to TLT. Almost everything new he says is yet another insult, not just to me, and his lack of sincere caring continues. He cares so little that he doesn't even bother to get the donated sum right that he allegedly respects so much. In Twitter the 670 EUR suddenly are 750 GBP and then later it's 750 EUR. He can't even be arsed to take one look in order to get facts right and does it wrong twice. This is just one of a whole hailstorm of messages between the lines and signs that underline the problem here that I have been pointing at, and why I don't feel compelled to re-establish a direct dialogue. They inflicted a wound and then they've continuously been pouring salt into it.
Hell, this is beginning to look like sociopathy. Total inability to empathize, to consider own fault, thus absurdities like blaming me for their own faults as if they're talking to a mirror.
Now to the three offered non-options:
1. Offering to give it another try, with the same shitty attitude and reality-denial continuing (bullshit claims like lack of providing information about the song, even against TLT's OWN STATEMENTS of having been provided with everything) is insulting. It is yet another clear sign that nothing has changed and TLT is absolutely determined to continue the same damn arrogance that has led to this point. Add to this the fact that a while before, TLT had tweeted about how, since he calls himself a musician, he should actually be making music and has to push himself to not be lazy.
So he knows very well who is at fault in all this, but refuses to take responsibility and change.
2. TLT apparently is doing well financially if he can offer to compensate the (as mentioned before, wrong) donated amount. He can often fly to the USA to conventions from his own pocket. (You see why he is so 'busy'?) Since it has to be assumed that it was his pathological egotism that helped him to be where he is now (while wearing a mask that has totally come off now that he has been tested, so to speak), this would be an offer to buy himself out so that he can continue his rotten attitude without having to change at all, while I still have to shouler all the pain of what they did.
It would make my stomach turn to accept such an offer. I would betray the very reason why I didn't allow them to walk over me and thus lose self-respect. It would mean they get everything they want while I am left with nothing but ruins and pain, and the message to others that this kind of behavior leads to success; just keep the bullshit up.
Let me mention here that I am mostly living off of savings. Let me mention here that in the past I have dealt with a crook who refused to honor his part of a deal, me ending up having a 5-digit sum stolen from me by that crook with the assistance of two corrupt judges. Just one of the many examples of how it's nigh-impossible to get anything done properly if you rely on certain people. And during the song 'collab', I still had a very high tolerance for this kind of behavior, but since TLT finally drove me over the threshold and revealed what had led to the problem, I can no longer tolerate any of this. Enough is enough!
And I am telling you, I will not accept that kind of money! Not in this spirit (or lack thereof.) It is wrong.
3. The final new peak of arrogance, insult, ugly character and borderline blackmail (I was tempted to say bullying, but that takes two parties, and I will not be bullied), turning the knife in the wound: I already said that I will not allow them to continue this against my will. The very fact that they would even consider, after all this, (not to mention the absurdity of implying that suddenly they can do with all this bad blood what they weren't able to do when things were easier) to continue on their own on a song about my life story, that ironically in the lyrics source text involves experiences with people with the same shitty attitude that they have, and 'continue' after it is clearly their fault for not having worked on it in the first place and not having communicated, that is a degree of emotional cruelty that you can only find in sociopaths, and what was once only a vague suspicion, I am now unable to reject any longer.
A sociopath is someone who is unable/unwilling to care for other people, unable to recognize own fault, only does things that directly or indirectly serve their own self-centered goals, and, in a society where people like to wear masks and pretend, often has learned to more or less find words and gestures to delude those who prefer pleasant lies over unpleasant truth. But eventually, when challenged, their actions will betray their words.
--- UPDATE 2015-02-20 ---
Now I know extremely clearly where Galacon stands. After they had been informed about the matter and didn't even consider an official statement appropriate, so that I instead unofficially, on the sides, learned that their stance is basically 'That's too bad.', now there was a double middle finger in the form of a series of tweets, beginning with
Follower Fridays may be "sooo 2013" But still, here are our lovely guest and friends from the past years...
...and ending with...
Yeah, what an affront it would have been to silently exclude that certain "lovely guest" from this shower of worship and approval. It's not like there might be some reason to be at least a little bit tactful or something. No, that would only be relevant if they weren't clearly decided on their pragmatic allegiance.
It is so easy to pretend you love everybody if you don't have to act on it. This is pure business politics. Their own interests come first, no matter what.
Seems they do not understand that trying to remain impartial in the face of such events makes partial nonetheless. Not even after I conveyed just that to them.
--- UPDATE 2015-03-31 ---
This is not an open wound for me anymore. (Going into details would be difficult/pointless though. Maybe I will explain some day, but not now.)
--- UPDATE 2015-11-06 ---
According to statements made at BronyDays 2015, the second collab offered at BUCK 2014 by TLT and Wooden Toaster failed, too. WT did his part, but TLT was just way too busy bathing in fame. (Personal note: thanks to the collective denial and lack of courage of the fandom making this still possible.) Seems WT intends to finish that project on his own now. Something that wouldn't have been an option for the first project since ShadyVox has been a significant contributor to the failure, too. After all, he is the one who was supposed to write the lyrics (and made the bullshit claim that he'd have loved to do so).
Also, what I was referring to in my last update was that at some point I consulted ayahuasca to gain new insights and find healing, and that made me realize that I had been neglecting my own interests in this matter and sending way too much energy towards incorrigible jerks, so I accepted TLT's (arrogant) offer of paying me the donated sum (easy money for him) and then we never talk again. I did that to take some of the soulcrushing pain off of me, because the memory of the whole event is harmful enough to my hopes for the future; I don't also need to shoulder a significant material burden, especially in light of the little support I received in the whole affair, with things just continuing as if nothing had happened.
I wish the fandom was more eager to practice the high values taught by MLP. I had the best time of my life while I was optimistically ignorant, but I couldn't really enjoy a brony convention anymore as things currently are (unless there's very practical incentive), with so much willful ignorance from bliss junkies.
I judge people very individually now. The MLP fandom as a whole is like any other fandom. Some saints, some devils and everything in-between.