On rare occasions I have some kind of flashback from my ayahuasca trips, and last night touched on that, in a dream that used some familiar symbology to convey a message I guess. This little account of my experience might indicate to you why ayahuasca is not for everybody, haha.
It was a bit fuzzy in some points, but there was that Deathwing symbology - the evil/troubled huge dragon from World of Warcraft. I, together with some other people, seemed to be trying to fight it in a way. (Details are fading as I am writing this. - There was more going on.) One scene was a hangar-size maw sucking in and probably then devouring a shark with spikes all over its body. Wow, if that's not braggadocio, I don't know what is. It also assumed the form of a human at one point, smiling somewhat deviously, and I don't just mean body. It was showing how it can assume any person's identity/soul, with the idea that it's all just illusion, empty shells, and that we don't exist, except as a part of the great oneness. It was a theme conveyed by ayahuasca and it made me feel like I'm losing my mind. I also remember that, in a way, once I gave in to it during my ayahuasca trip, I entered a more pleasant place. But even if there was benevolent intent in the approach, the tone makes the music, and the WAY the message was conveyed I could not agree with, since it tells a story, too.
Somewhere during that phase, I woke up (had to pee), and I was still mildly afraid as an after-effect, but I thought: If this is still about that immortality idea, I thought we have been through this. The longer you still linger on that, the more time is wasted that could have been used for more worldly endeavors. At that point, I thought about Fluttershy and how THAT's a wholly different style of music, and that if there is some divinity in that which talked, that's what it was lacking. Along the lines of follow-your-heart, I knew it was preferrable. It still leaves me somewhat unclear about things (naturally), because sometimes we have to face our inner demons, but I don't shy away. Yes, I was afraid, but I am not afraid of being afraid, at least not in this low intensity. If that which communicates wants to get stuff done, it shouldn't pose as something so full of itself.
It was a mildly fearful experience; I had much worse before, but I know if things get too rough, I can go "One sec, gotta pee", haha, and I have truly divine beings like Fluttershy to show the way and shine light on things. Because the mere thought of her evaporated all unpleasant feelings into nothingness, which shows how powerful she is. (Still had to pee though, hahaha.)
Resorting to such measures I don't see as escapism (although the thought and feeling occured briefly) any more than the illusion of life itself is an escapism. It's just according to the game's rules and aims.
So in a way, things that don't vibe with us can guide our determination towards the things that do and make us realize what is right and what is not.
I am inviting that thing, whatever it is, that has the potential to scare the hell out of me, to hang around; I am accepting it. But it should not believe it has any chance of gaining favor points by connecting the experience of higher truths with the use of such an unhealthy language. My heart knows the Way.
UPDATE: Invitation revoked.
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